WHITNEY CAIN, PHD

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grief's doorways

Many clients come to me when they are negotiating some new transition.  They may be experiencing the loss of someone they love, infertility, a relationship’s end, career changes, recognizing a fulfilled dream didn’t bring expected healing, or some other call to live life differently.  No matter how unique the individual or the transition, each holds at core a sense of loss and a need to grieve. 

People are often surprised when I encourage creating space for this grief.  Some of the surprise comes from the simple reality that most of us don’t much like grief.  We don’t like exploring it, thinking we have it or being around it.  Grief’s bad reputation makes us forget it holds more than only hurt and discomfort.

Making space to grieve doesn’t cause grief’s pain to grow, but, in fairness, it doesn’t cause the pain to go, either.  What making space allows is our ability to access the hidden gifts of grief, even within its pain.  Grief can be a protector, companion, and a clear connection to what we miss.   There is powerful comfort in this connection and inspiration to remain in relationship with what we’ve lost.

When grief is allowed to be its full and wise self, we are able to bear the pain of loss and the fierce longing for what was.  We are better able to find flow in our “before” and “after” worlds and respect the complexity of finding and living this flow.  And, sometimes when it’s least expected, we notice we’ve crossed the threshold of new world’s doorway and we are just fine.

Whitney Cain